I Really Don't Know

Lol i bought a diary. Its hardcover, silvery on the front and has the chinese word of happiness smacked right in the centre of the cover. Its quite cool. Just bought it off the shelves of Popular.
So now I will probably not post anymore, unless Im so desperate for attention until anything else wont suffice. Lol.

First week of school of course has been slack. Got to know the new teachers, curriculum blah blah blah. Everyone else was quite busy, mostly with the sec 1 stuff, orientation camp, JRIC and I was, as usual, stoning. We retained some teachers, for better or worse. CEC selection was of course as usual, marred by sabotage. Congratulations to our new CEC, especially Chiap. Now your CVs going to jump eh. Lol. I didnt get any appointments, either because Im not good enough or I didnt have any saboteurs. I would think, and hope, its the latter. LOl.. Then there was this thing which Tan Weng Seng said which really caught my attention. "From this experience, I realise I am able to partition my feelings from when making decisions... because I think emotions can cloud your judegment." Of course its not word for word, but the idea is there. Really cool. I think I might start to like him.

So 11 days into the new year. So far so good. Chinese New Years round the corner, though Im not uber excited about it. Relative relations are still ok, not extremely good. Angbao money hovers around 150-200, but I dont really care. Whether I get $100 or $1000, I just dump everything in the bank. Seriously. We are not super rich so I dont get above $200, but doesnt matter.

And I got a new godmother. Loll I wasnt expecting to get one, just a stand-in one. Having said that, I am more than happy to have a godmother godmother. Its just that I wasnt expecting it. So its, taaaa-daaaa, Jamie Lewis! Lol my godmother is 7 years older than me. Its so weird. But her wisdom owns mine, and I can definitely learn a lot from her. Im looking forward to it.

Somehow, I have this feeling that Ive been projecting this very laid-back, nonchalant, heck care look. Cause after the oral diagnostic, Serene Seow said a whole lot of stuff, like "cant be bothered with anything... bored with life", then today while I was walking in, my music teacher ask me "Why you always look so weak and tired?" No, actually its not a feeling, Im almost sure of it. Lol I better change. Change change change.

So for most probably the last time, bye. 9 posts and its a goner. Pshh.

High.. then low..

Today was the Project J Christams Party, on the ninth day of christmas. I actually am not sure why its 12 days of christmas. Iill find out later.Anyway, we had almost everything as usual, fellowship, prayer worship (its cool music), session proper, then closing prayer. Todays session was nice cause everyone shared their own individual christmas experiences. Somehow, I enjoy lsitening to them, just how they bought presents for their old grandparents, had dinner at their aunts house, went back to the philippines singing door to door carols. Its just, I dont know, appealing to the heart. Then dont know why either, I got quite high during the closing prayer, though it didnt really show much. One of the songs was the twelve days of christmas thing. Lol it was really fun. Met some people I havent seen in a while too. Helped pack up everything then went home. Oh and there was teh delifrance those kind of bread, the hard hard one with some sugar bits sprinkled all over. Havent eaten those in a long time.

And heres something really funny about Si Ling who shared her experience.

Host: So how was the midnight mass different from the normal masses that you have attended?
Si Ling: Oh, got more people lor. Got a lot of altar boys also.
Jamie: Then you must be very happy la. *grins*
Si Ling: No la, dont have the one I want to see. [blushes]

Lol her answers are really cute.

I came home wanting to post how high I was from the party. Then I went random (or maybe not so random) blog surfing and then saw some stuff which dampened everything. Like psssss, then all the excitements gone. Lol Im making this very ambiguous so that the people Im ranting at are not obvious. Or actually Im ranting at no one in particular, just angsting. Like how come although we were all together before, now only a selected few stay together, and leave everyone else out, even when say some of them want to join in. Then they only invite that selected few, forgeting about all the rest, that selected few get to know more people, and the cycle goes on, somewhat like a poverty trap. Or the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. Something like that.

Lol it sounds so stupid being so ambiguous. Maybe Iill start keeping a diary and stall this 5 or 6 posts blog. Some things are really more private and the blogs really too public. Actually blogs are ironic in the sense that its supposed to be personal and private yet its public. Yeah I think I might start a diary. Its the new year, so just try something new.

I tried meditating prayerfully to stop random angsting. Wish I could just forget that I had ever known these people. ARH. Dammit Im angsting on the new year. I will try meditating again.